Dear Lorraine,

I'm about to return home from Florida, and didn't want to leave without saying goodbye.  I played Monday night with Carol, Fran, Sydel and Madeline and I went pie.  They are worried that the game is going to break up now that you're gone.  I hope that doesn't happen.  Madeline said she called Marty and the boys to find out what happened to your set and they screamed at her and said they trashed everything, but she didn't believe it.  I called too while I was here, but didn't get a reply.  Your set and your mother's set, I understand.  What will become of them?  

I could feel you in the room, little Buddah - talking to yourself and your tiles. I should have realized when you  stopped commenting on my posts, but too busy with my own stuff I failed to notice.  So I got a shock when I heard of your sudden death and had to adjust to the knowledge that you would not be here when I arrived.  No more lunches, no more games.

Remember when I flew in for the tournament and my flight was late and I raced from the airport to pick you up and then drove on I95 like a maniac and we made it just in time?  Or the time you showed me the baby owls' nest when we were the last ones out of the clubhouse?  I still have the insulated mahjongg lunch bag that I swapped with you for the beach tote.  Thank you so much for bringing me into your game when I didn't know anybody.  And for your steadfast support for my cockamamie writing projects, the ill-advised mahjongg murders.

When I went to bet on Monday, I saw little numbers with circles next to the names on the pad.  What's that for?  I asked the girls.   "It's something Lorraine liked to do," Madeline said.  "She liked to see how many games we played."  She misted up, and so did I.  But it sounded like something you would do.  Why would you need to know how many games you played? No reason, just curious.  So now I am going to do it too.  I'm going to start a tradition of putting the number of the game in a circle next to the person bet on.  I don't care if no one else wants to do it - I will do it and this way I can bring you into my game like you brought me into yours.

So bye, my first Florida friend.

Rest in peace.

Doh!

So the card has been out how long?  A month and a half now - and I'm still making stupid mistakes.  There are a lot of things I can blame it on; transitioning from full time to part time work, transitioning from being in a relationship to being single (anyone know any widowers?) transitioning into my golden years or my budding cataracts. But the truth is I'm not focusing.  If I were focusing I would know:

• The hand is 11 222 11 222 3333 - It doesn't take dragons anymore!  Get it through your head!  I have to learn to stop getting excited when I see a lot of one's and two's and dragons.  Grr.....
• It's 2012 not 2011!  I have to keep telling myself  I don't need pairs of ones to make the Big Hand.
• The quint is any dragon not any wind.  Having four souths and four flowers means nothing!!!!!!

Today was pretty bad.  I had a great hand.  In fact, I was set, but I didn't know it.  My hand looked like this:

11 33 55 777 9JJ9.  So exciting - all I needed was a 5 bam.  But I picked a 9 bam.  And I put the 9 bam in my hand and threw out a Joker.  DOH!

Even worse, I am ashamed to say, but I will confess - I was set for a great closed hand but then went dead.  Good thing, though - the hand was 5JJ 7 999 5JJ 7 999. The last 7 bam went out and I started whining about going dead when I suddenly realized  DOH!  I pretended I saw another great hand and acted like I knew what I was doing but boy, did I feel like an idiot.

But I realized I was not alone.  I was playing in a senior center with a very nice group of ladies.  It was my first time playing with them but definitely not the last.  And all around me I was hearing things like:

"I gave away my tile"

"Oh, I'm so stupid!"

"What did I do that for?"

"I had the two one cracks but I threw them out!"

"I knew I shouldn't have thrown that!"

So I didn't feel so bad.  We are, after all, only human and mahj is only a game.  So if you play with me and you hear me muttering under my breath "That's not the hand, that's NOT the hand," you will understand it's my way of telling myself to focus and make the transition from the old card to the new - as if there weren't enough transitions going on...(oh, yes, I'm going to be a grandma!  Woo Hoo!)

How about you?  Any DOH! moments you want to confess?  We won't tell!